Ever since I could ever remember, I am not the kind of person who takes friendship for granted. I might be silent for some time, but that does not mean that I no longer care. Once I considered you my friend, you remain in the same status—well, unless you violate or one of my closest pals in some way. But I would never, ever take friendship for granted.
Silence and isolation—these are my best defense mechanism when I am hurt or troubled, and some people might have misunderstood me for being quiet and isolated. I guess this was the reason why I lost some friends over the course of a few months. The people I use to hang out with, have lunch with, share jokes with are now strangers again.
It hurts to see a cherished friendship blur. So blurry that you cannot even see it fading even more. What happened, I have no idea. I wish I knew, I know, or I would know. But I guess there is no way now. I tried to gain them back, but there was no fruitful result. I guess I have a fault or what so ever, but nobody is telling me what. I tried asking, and yes, I got an answer—a very ambiguous one.
I’d like to think they’re scheming something good for me, a surprise party perhaps? But no, that is not the case. They avoid my presence, my smile, my eye contact—almost the all of me. They ignore my offers. They refuse my existence.
But then again, who am I to ask. Friends come and go. They say that friendship stays, but I don’t think so. I have finally decided to leave them on their own. If they do not want me, why should I insist myself to them? That will only make them dislike me more, won’t it?
Life is a heartless bitch, anyway. Strangers become friends; friends become strangers. That’s life. Sometimes, it is them; sometimes, it is us. What reveals the reason of friends becoming strangers can come in different ways: either you ask them or you make an in-depth self-examination where you went wrong. If answers still don’t come, then maybe, just maybe, you never shared any form of friendship with those people—at all. Just move on. Sometimes, people are better off alone. Enjoy solitude.
Solitude. I think I have mastered the art of it. Pretending. I do it every day—act like I don’t care when I really do. Perhaps this ends here, at least on my part.
I don’t want to give up on them, but it seems that I have no other choice. I thank them for the joyous days we have shared, and I wish them all well.