Everything Has Changed: An Afterword

Hello, sweetie.

So here we are, you and I, on this last page of our story. By the time you read this, I have been long gone, but know that I have lived well, and I am very happy. And above all else, I will always love you. Sometimes, I worry about you though, that once I’m gone, you won’t be coming back. That you might be alone and lonely, which you should never be.

“I can no longer be your boyfriend, but that does not mean that I do not love you.”

I always thought that the line above was cheesy-balls romantic. But no. It was not. Never was, never has been, never will. It dawned on me when it was me who had to hear it. And it was, perhaps, the most painful line I have ever heard, especially when I am still till in love, and you no longer are.

Over the last four years, we have been there for and with each other. You were my stronghold as I tried to be the same to you. You gave me strength, supported me emotionally, financially, and societally to the best you could. You were there when I needed you most, and even when I don’t—well, I kind of needed you all the time anyway. We braved many turbulences and weathered many storms, but when we reached that bump, the bump that shook our relationship, we changed. Something in that bump changed me as it changed you.

During all those four years, I was so overly focused to you, so overly attached that I forgot—well, I actually kind of ignored the fact—that there are other people in our lives too, that you have your own friends and family to be with other than me. I also forgot that I have my own friends. I was so engrossed with the idea that we were in love, so in love. I turned down invitations from my friends so I could be with you, forgetting the fact that at the end of the day, you always come home to me. I let opportunities of getting to know my friends better pass because I thought you were enough. Yes, you were enough. Still are.

What I failed to realize was the fact that even though you love me, though you were in love with me, you needed other people too. I was enough, but I am not the only thing that you need. And my biggest mistake, maybe, was thinking that you feel what I feel, whatever that might have been.

Now, we are totally different people. We have changed. Everything has changed. We are back to what we were before—friends. Always there for each other, supporting one another, helping and looking after the other. And no matter how crazy it might seem to other people, I will always be here for you, the best friend and brother you have had since before. Though a little time and space away from you might do me some good too. I need them both to adjust to this change. You know how I can be: I hate change.

The promise of love that stays when love is gone—it’s a bittersweet refrain of a nostalgic song. Nostalgia is fine, but then, life happens, and it bites you; and you have to wake up and face reality. And within the realms of my reality, everything hurts like hell.

This is our story. And this is how it ends.

Yours,

C.A.L.