I Refuse to Write My Saddest Lines

Tonight, I refuse to write my saddest lines;
Think instead of the happy times we have had; for example:
The day you caught my eyes as you travelled across my plane of existence,
The day your lips first pressed against mine,
The day you first told me you love me,
The day you first held my hands in public,
The day you introduced me to your family, and I, you to mine.
The night you kissed me under the New Year’s fireworks,
The nights we talked endlessly, although we were together the entire day,
The nights we cuddled till the dawn broke,
The nights of silence and empty stares and senseless smiles,
The nights that you kept me warm when I was cold,
The nights that you ruffled my hair and kissed my forehead before we sleep.
The times you had to escape from your friends just to be with me,
The times you “dragged” me to your family event, but I was willing anyway,
The times you could not stop texting me,
The times you always called to make sure I was safe,
The times you just knew something is wrong, and you just hug me,
The times you look at me with those eyes, and all I see is happiness and romance,
The times you pinch my cheeks randomly ’coz you thought I was cute.
The moments of unrecorded happiness, of undefined bliss, of immeasurable joy,
The moments of pure romance, of unconcealed care, of obvious attention,
The moments of warm hugs, sweet kisses, thoughtful caresses.
Yes, I refuse to write my saddest lines,
But I will write hard and clear about what hurts:
I can feel myself fading from your heart and mind.
I may not show it as much, but it bothers me.
At the same time, I have mastered the art of hypocrisy
That people actually think I am always happy.

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