you are the Spanish song that stands out in my English playlist,
the only of its kind, the one that keeps playing in my head.
you are the cup of coffee that i wake up to,
whose scent excites me, whose warmth stirs me.
you are the bar of dark chocolate i crave
whose bitterness strengthens me.
you are the kind of sweetness that i tolerate,
the kind of hug that i look forward to
at four in the morning, amidst the darkness,
in the middle of nowhere, before the eyes of gossipers.
and you are more than that . . .
you are the sum of all the past pain i caused,
and now you’re here to haunt me.
you are the force i created, the pieces of the hearts
i broke, and now, you are awake to break mine.
you are the tears i made to flow, the silent voices
i made to cry, and now you are here to break me.
you are the silence i used to escape from them,
the unacceptable cowardice i displayed,
you are the wall i built around me to keep people away,
the cold, harsh wind that used to shun love and affection;
and now you are here, making me feel the same fear.
you are everything i did,
everything i didn’t want to happen to me–
you are my ghost, my reckoning, my undoing.